Mark twain once said “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” But what forgiveness means can vary from person to person and can be a lengthy process particularly if the harm suffered feels unforgiveable and are unable to let go of it.
Starting with a few basic principles can help to see whether a path of forgiveness is for you.
1/ Forgiveness is a process and the fact that you are not ready to forgive is just where you are or may even choose to be. No one should tell you how to think or feel.
2/ Reflect on what forgiveness means to you? What you want from forgiveness? and what you would be losing if you were to forgive. Forgiveness does not not necessarily need to mean that you forgive the other their behavior, letting that go or saying “it’s okay and does not matter”.
3/ Start with the feeling of the pain the lack of forgiveness is causing you and others around you. Is it causing you to feel sad, angry, harming relationships, loosing sleep or waste time and effort. Or perhaps just making situations being around people difficult. Recognising the pain and naming it can open up the feeling of the difficulty unforgiveness can cause. This in itself can cause you to look further into setting an intention to “look into deeper” into the process of forgiveness
4/ Imagine what would it be like for you if you were able to “forgive”? Think about how it would feel? For example, more energy or a sense of easiness.
Forgiveness can be a long process and to be able to let go and forgive yourself or others. Asking these questions maybe the first step along a difficult path.