Sometimes when couples are working through issues involving an affair and betrayal it can feel that no matter how much progress made, the infidelity can continues to create long lasting feelings of being stuck. In this situation the betrayed partner may feel they have constant triggers and reminders of the betrayal that interfere with their recovery process. These may include images, bad dreams, flashbacks (reliving events of the past as if they were real), environmental triggers, anxiety and constant spiral of distressed thoughts.
All this can lead to a constant battle between trying to avoiding triggers and working through the problems that need to be addressed. Here often clients can feel in limbo without being able to clear the confusion and make appropriate decisions. This conflict can lead to painful feelings and exhausting behaviors that constantly repeat. EMDR can help to resolve triggers in the mind that lead to a cycle of distress, not by removing memories, but by reducing the level of distress of caused by those triggers, memories, emotions and thoughts.
Whether individually or as a couple the use of EMDR is a decision to make between us. If you are struggling with letting go of the affair EMDR could give you the space and necessary healing you need to gain the space and clairty to move forward.
A fictional vignette:
.. The betrayal happened a few years back and we’ve both worked hard to move forward.. I kept going from being able to make a decision to move forward to being plunged straight back into the distressing feelings of the affair.. the images and thoughts. Any reminders could set me off… This has taken its toll on our relationship, physically and emotionally.. Sometimes i go inwards and sometimes outwards in anger.. things seem so up in the air and flick between all okay to this is not going to work… I just want to get to a decision and move forward for the sake of both of us..